Recently I’ve read some spanking fiction – what I read had a lot of humor and love in it and I enjoyed it mostly. Where I stumbled was the discipline. Hubby and I don’t mind a swat on the bum when one of us is walking by, though I prefer a cupping, and small squeeze followed by a caress. That’s my preference but I’m for whatever floats your boat. What I had to learn was the difference between abuse and discipline – I’ve got it now, it’s consensual and arousing for that couple.
What kept causing me to stumble? I had to go back and really think about it. That’s when I realized that I give no one the authority to discipline me. I’m an adult and a strong one – now. There was a lot of discipline when I was younger, not that much physical, but psychologically, oh yeah.
So what happened? How did I become me? I have to give 97% of the credit to Hubby. The stars aligned one day and he saw me in a rare flash of strength and he was attracted to it. !?!?! I had strength? Man, was it undernourished and starving until Hubby. He fed it, hell he held banquets for it and it grew and flourished. I definitely would not be the woman I am today without his loving sustainment of that strength. We’re equal partners and he wants it that way as much as I do.
I’m the type of wife who, when I spot someone in the grocery aisle in full hooker attire, I nudge him to check it out, then two or three aisles over we’ll laugh together. I remember having an episode of Baywatch Nights on years ago and a woman was watching the roof of her car with her assets pressed against the driver’s side window of the car. I yelled for him to get in there and see, because that was not a view he’d ever get at home. I trust him. I’ve never been jealous of him. That came with strength. Yes, I have watched *itches throw themselves at him (you can decide on a b or a w for the above, either fits) and I have gotten angry at them, but not him. And he’s given me no reason to. It’s one of the first things I noticed in our relationship – in previous relationships when I was apart from whoever, I was anxious and uncertain about what was going on. That’s never happened with Hubby – that’s when I realized I had an adult and equal partner.
Another component of that is we don’t keep secrets from each other. In a book I read recently, the female protagonist tried to hide that an X-rated movie was in the house. Before it had ever been discovered, I would have been telling Hubby about it and what had happened. And we would have laughed together about it. He would never have thought I needed to be disciplined about it. It wouldn’t make as good a story or be as funny, but it would be the reality around here.
Obviously some people crave being told what to do and how to do it. I’m not one of them and if you want to raise my ire, you tell me that someone is “above” me for the simple reason that that person can pee standing up and I will go ballistic on your ass (metaphorically only). Explains a lot about why I write such strong women who usually have to pull their partner’s ass out of the fire.
I’m so glad I’ve learned the difference now between abuse and discipline. It makes it a lot easier to understand and appreciate a new genre with some really good stories. And again, whatever floats your boat is what’s right for you. For me it’s equality and strength. Okay, back to your reading material…