Recently I’ve read some spanking fiction – what I read had a lot of humor and love in it and I enjoyed it mostly. Where I stumbled was the discipline. Hubby and I don’t mind a swat on the bum when one of us is walking by, though I prefer a cupping, and small squeeze followed by a caress. That’s my preference but I’m for whatever floats your boat. What I had to learn was the difference between abuse and discipline – I’ve got it now, it’s consensual and arousing for that couple.
What kept causing me to stumble? I had to go back and really think about it. That’s when I realized that I give no one the authority to discipline me. I’m an adult and a strong one – now. There was a lot of discipline when I was younger, not that much physical, but psychologically, oh yeah.
So what happened? How did I become me? I have to give 97% of the credit to Hubby. The stars aligned one day and he saw me in a rare flash of strength and he was attracted to it. !?!?! I had strength? Man, was it undernourished and starving until Hubby. He fed it, hell he held banquets for it and it grew and flourished. I definitely would not be the woman I am today without his loving sustainment of that strength. We’re equal partners and he wants it that way as much as I do.
I’m the type of wife who, when I spot someone in the grocery aisle in full hooker attire, I nudge him to check it out, then two or three aisles over we’ll laugh together. I remember having an episode of Baywatch Nights on years ago and a woman was watching the roof of her car with her assets pressed against the driver’s side window of the car. I yelled for him to get in there and see, because that was not a view he’d ever get at home. I trust him. I’ve never been jealous of him. That came with strength. Yes, I have watched *itches throw themselves at him (you can decide on a b or a w for the above, either fits) and I have gotten angry at them, but not him. And he’s given me no reason to. It’s one of the first things I noticed in our relationship – in previous relationships when I was apart from whoever, I was anxious and uncertain about what was going on. That’s never happened with Hubby – that’s when I realized I had an adult and equal partner.
Another component of that is we don’t keep secrets from each other. In a book I read recently, the female protagonist tried to hide that an X-rated movie was in the house. Before it had ever been discovered, I would have been telling Hubby about it and what had happened. And we would have laughed together about it. He would never have thought I needed to be disciplined about it. It wouldn’t make as good a story or be as funny, but it would be the reality around here.
Obviously some people crave being told what to do and how to do it. I’m not one of them and if you want to raise my ire, you tell me that someone is “above” me for the simple reason that that person can pee standing up and I will go ballistic on your ass (metaphorically only). Explains a lot about why I write such strong women who usually have to pull their partner’s ass out of the fire.
I’m so glad I’ve learned the difference now between abuse and discipline. It makes it a lot easier to understand and appreciate a new genre with some really good stories. And again, whatever floats your boat is what’s right for you. For me it’s equality and strength. Okay, back to your reading material…
I really do appreciate the fact that you are trying to understand – so many people just tell us we are crazy and brainwash and that our men are abusers. We CHOOSE this lifestyle simply because we know what we want and many of us have partners who mostly indulge us. One thing I’ve never seen with all my spanko friends is the urge to ‘recruit’ others. Many like me have craved this since our earliest memories. If it’s not something you want – don’t do it! If you know you do want it – go for it, my marriage improved a thousand % and I know others that say the same thing. I hope you’ll continue to read spanking fiction with the open mind you’ve shown so far. We appreciate it.
Exactly – to each their own! That’s the most important thing. Between consenting adults. And keep writing those Cassie stories, because I really like her friend 😉
A year ago I knew nothing about adult spanking. I happened across a novel and enjoyed it. I went to the internet to learn more about the various ways spankings are introduced into loving relationship. I found PK Corey’s books and fell in love with the characters and their dynamics. When I completed my own Soft/Hard Limits worksheet I felt that this is something that I want to experience in the real world. In my opinion it is all personal choice and willingness to explore.
Great post Donna! I feel like I have to add that a lot of women I have come across in this lifestyle are strong powerful woman who are in charge in every other aspect of their life (work etc) and find it freeing to come home and not have the stress and worry of being in charge. Just another take on it.
Also, as per your “pee standing up” there are just as many FLR’s (female led relationships) with the same type of power exchange, but most bloggers or people who write about it are woman. Just an interesting fact I recently came across somewhere.
I’m glad you’re opening up and trying new things, Pk’s books are a great and fun place to start!
I hope my comment doesn’t come across preachy or anything, I was just trying to add to your perspective, not trying to advocate one way or the other. 🙂
Actually that’s a good point. I haven’t read that much (mostly PK’s) so I have more to learn, but I can see where strong women might want to release control once in a while. Thanks!
Hi Donna – I remember so very well the first blog post I read around here and how completely shocked I was. I couldn’t get my head around why an intelligent woman, and one who was the CEO of a very large company, would want her husband to keep her in line, and to spank her not only for fun, but for discipline; and to spank her to tears.
Had you told me that two years down the line I would have a similar relationship with my husband, I would have thought you were crazy.
I am so glad you are open-minded about it. All I can recommend is that if you are willing to do so, you read a little more and you ask lots of questions. It may not be your cup of tea at all – but something tells me that at the very back of your mind, you are just a tiny bit intrigued by women like us.
PK’s Cassie books are so great, aren’t they? I love them, but I don’t care for ‘Tom’ at all. He is much too harsh and if he was my husband there would be continual fireworks. Just proves what a great writer PK is.
I do hope you will continue to stay around and comment.
Hugs
Ami
Oh Ami, I am so with you! And Tom gets my goat every time. I would like to hear things from his POV occasionally, but I haven’t talked PK into that yet 🙁 Thanks so much for stopping by. Lost internet last night, but thanks to everyone who stopped by. I really appreciate it!
LOL! I just had to pop back one more time. Ami, Donna, I can understand your feelings about Tom. I wouldn’t be married to the man for love nor money. But I still absolutely adore him – as long as he’s Cassie’s husband. And except when he’s in the middle of discipline, you won’t hear Cassie complaining.
Good post Donna, I’m glad people are thinking about TTWD.
I’m not giving up PK! But that was good to hear. 😉